I wish you could grow babies in less time than that, a year is a long time! SOOOO well worth it though! My 28th Birthday was yesterday and Matt foofed my present beautifully (I should have taken a picture). The gift was a purse but the wrapping was tied with a blue zip tie and a pink zip tie. Blog audience as my witnesses, Matt said that represented my real gift. He claimed they represented a baby but I'm going literal on this one and saying I get a boy AND a girl... and how ever many else it takes to get 1 of each! I'm going to go ahead and ignore the fact that he used zip ties instead of pretty bows. Was it some subtle message about being bound? Restricted? Tied down? Disregard. Don't get too antsy though, that gift will be redeemed at a later time.... Matt is leaving for 3 months, remember?
Since I don't have weekly baby growth updates anymore, my own observations are going to have to be vivid and entertaining enough for blog content. My most recent observation/annoyance has to do with HAIR. "Oh look at me, I'm pregnant and my hair is so thick and wonderful." Pregnant people do not grow thicker hair, their jacked up hormones just keep their hair from falling out so much. Fine, I admit, it was nice to not shed for a few months but let me tell you, that benefit of pregnancy is short-lived. My hair is back to falling out with a vengeance. I read somewhere that for the normal person's 100 strands/day, new baby momma's shed 500. I'm pretty sure 5,000 is the more accurate figure on my head. Ask Matt.
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| Matt asking google (daddy daycare at its finest) |
I pull it out by the fist-full in the shower. It's disgusting. It's my own hair and even I am repulsed. Matt has had to snake the drain before in our old house thanks to my mop (although if HE had fixed the broken drain cover, some of that hair may have been prevented from going down). I didn't have to see the hairball that caused the clog but the thought of it makes me puke in my mouth. Hair balls = vom.com. My issue in the shower is that its the easiest place to pull out the clumps (that will otherwise fall out all over my universe) BUT then what do you do with it? I like to let the water take it but Matt and our plumbing disagree. The worst is pulling out the clump from the hair catcher (aka drain cover) after the shower is over. Whats worse than a hair ball? A cold wet hairball! Again, vom.com. I know its not fair; my hair, my problem but it really is the worst... especially the clump that always seems to rinse down the back and stick onto the back of the thigh, waiting to get caught in the razor (on the rare occasion I decide to shave).
Speaking of shaving, that's another hair issue. I had the privilege of not shaving my legs except for weekends and special occasions in high school. Yea yea, every Marian girl says it, "it's so great, we never shaved our legs and everything was rainbows and sunshine!" I lived that dream. Seriously, shaving is a pain and I avoided doing it. I'm a big fan of the 'shave the visible parts' school of thought (I do keep current on the pits though). Thank God mini-skirts are unacceptable for mid to late twenty-somethings. Anyway, years went by, I met Matt, tried to woo Matt, and shaved regularly. I locked him down, let my hair go and lucky me got preggo which bought me some solid months of not shaving (hey, in my defense it was physically impossible in places). Matt does not like this fact but he fails to fix the issue that has bought me even more no-shave excuses. Hot water. Our flipping water heater will not let my shower exceed 15 minutes (and that's only if I'm not doing laundry or running the dishwasher). Lame. For an all-over smooth shave, I need a solid 25 or so. Get on that Matt. Oh wait, Afghanistan? Look who just score 3 more months. This guy! The only reasons to shave now will be when my sweats get itchy or we thaw out for spring and I want to wear a dress. I have to embrace the positives in Matt's absence, no matter how ridiculous.
If I had a penny for every hair I shed, I would be rich. Maybe I could use my $$ for this. (Watch this video... and tune into Oddities). Gag me. Matt could weave a flipping living room set as a tribute to me with the amount I'm giving out. Haha, as my hair tribute to him, I made a heart on the shower wall out of my hair (remember, I avoid the cold, post-shower drain clump at all costs) which did not go over well. White shower tiles + large black hairy heart? Who wouldn't love that hello from their loving wife?
I just puked in my mouth again remembering another hairy tale. Read This (or at least scroll down and look at the pictures). Word to the wise, change your earrings regularly. What a sicko. Omg, I just gagged looking at those pictures again.
There is such thing as pretty hair. I wish I had it. I'm growing mine out in an attempt to look like the Pinterest people (braids are BLOWING UP my feed) but somehow, my attempts to be stylish don't come out quite right. The sock roll trick did not make beautiful waves and neither did the stretchy headband. I have learned some fancy braids but the girth of my braids is always off. Coming from a girl with thick hair (even with the shedding issues), I think those braids are a)extensions b)hair pieces or c)wondrous.
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Let's bring this post full circle and get back to Banjo (which is seriously how I got thinking about hair in the first place). I took him to the doctor last week because I suspected he had an ear infection and while examining Benji, the doc told his med student that in males that age, you have to check for a hair tourniquet which is often the culprit for fussy babes. What? Oh yes, a hair wrapped around baby's pee-pee causing pain and anguish. Thankfully Benji was cleared but his fleece-lined cloth diapers are magnets for my loose hairs. I will definitely be paying attention to that in the future. Yikes.
*Side note - the ear infection I mentioned resulted in an anti-biotic... Banjo's first consumable besides the boob. I almost cried thinking about his 'pure' insides being forever altered. #smotheringmomproblems
I'm hoping this ridiculous shedding thing is just about over. Hopefully this post didn't make you puke, and instead, educated any pregnant readers about what they're in for. Had I not been warned, I would be sure I was on a one-way path to a hairline similar to Matt and Benji. Now that's way scarier than grizzly legs or a little heart on the shower wall.
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