Monday, June 25, 2012

Chicken with a Banjo

My kid is perfect in 5 bazillion ways.
he's cute.
he's snuggley.
he's funny.
his gummy one-tooth grin melts your heart.
his butt is cute when he scoots around.
the rolls on his thighs are squishy.
he laughs when you motorboat his tummy.
hes ticklish.
he likes gus.
he like me.
he's a good eater.
his hair is funny.
his rubber band wrists look cute.
he loves water.
he's smart....

and he's an AWFUL sleeper. I know I know, you've heard it all before but its really starting to get old. Shouldn't 9 months of cat naps catch up to the little Banjito? It's catching up to his mommy, thats for sure. This is his baby calendar. He earned the "sleeps through the night" sticker in December.


At 2 months he slept 6 hours then another 3 or 4. Thats good enough for me for "through the night." At the time, I was such a milk machine that sleeping 6 hours was pushing it for me anyway so I thought we were good to go.

FF to June.


 We have regressed... for 6 months.

Side note - I am super mom. Benji's baby milestone calendar has been written on every single day since he was born. And if you notice, the entries are a little beefier in June than December. Confession: I am so sick of doing this. I only keep it up now because I've made it this far. It is a little easier now that he does tricks and has a little more personality to write about but I can tell you right now though, kids #2, 3, 4... will NOT have a calendar with this depth. 

First-time, over-zealous, afraid to miss a moment mommy is quickly morphing into the 10 second-rule, if you're not bleeding you're fine,  "excuse the mess, we're busy making memories" mommy.

Last week, we were going through our regular bedtime regiment and just at the part where the lids get heavy and we move to the crib, Benji popped his head up, flashed his gummy smile and started bouncing on my lap (which is sort of like a pelvic thrust but its a serious dance move in babytown). With sleep clearly not on the horizon, I decided to stick him in his crib and sit back and watch what he would do. He played for about 10 minutes, showing off that he could stand up and scoot along the perimeter of the crib, then he investigated some velcro on plush toy, popped a binky in his mouth and decided I should pick him up again. It was the moment of truth.... I went for it. Cry it out, take 5.

On a whim, I decided to attempt the cry it out thing.... AGAIN. Even though it is not listed in the 'things to do when teaching your kid a lesson' manual, I decided to sit in the chair in his room until he succumbed to sleep. If he was going to be tortured, so was I. Really, I just wanted to make sure he didn't vomit like the last 50 times, and even more importantly, I wanted to make sure the new crib mattress adjustment was secure enough that he wouldn't throw himself over the side in an attempt to conquer the dreaded sleep fairy. Torture. For both of us. It was a serious test of endurance. Who would win this game of chicken? Night #1 took 90 minutes of constant hysterics, screaming, crying, sobbing, reaching out to me sitting in the chair.... it was rough but I won. His cute little butt would plop onto the mattress and he'd whimper until a new surge of tears would come and he'd pull himself back to the edge. This happened 937 times before he got too tired to pull himself up, which made him more mad resulting in fist pumps and hair pulling. I have a neurotic 8.5 month old who tries to pull out his own hair. Add that to the trauma I'm putting him through abandoning him in his crib cage, and he's on track to be a super-functional adult. Awesome. Parenting = fail. At one point he was falling asleep sitting up but then he tipped over and fell into the side of the crib... you'd think I'd slaughtered a puppy right before his eyes.

Additional traumas documented for his future therapist:

caffeine and ice-cold cups on his face, just for the amusement of his funcle. 
*no babies were harmed in the making of these photos. No pop was consumed either.

 "I got puffs on my head, but don't call me a puff head"

Back to the C.I.O (cry-it-out). After 5,400 seconds of needles stabbing my eyeballs, screeches in my ear drums and daggers in my heart, Benji gave in (in a face-down on his mattress, 'F%*& you mom, see if i'm breathing now,' pose). I'm not kidding, he was face down in the mattress. We have an Angel Care monitor that is supposed to alert me if he quits breathing but seriously you little stinker? I think he was trying to keep me in his room with him. "We're the two best friends that anyone's ever had.."

In the middle of night #1, he woke up once for 51 minutes and once for 23 minutes. That's a pretty decent night in our world. In case you were wondering, crying in out in the silence of the middle of the night magnifies the sound by 43 million.

Since I made it through 1 night, I decided to keep it up. Night #2.... 62 minutes and another face plant. This time I left the room. I got things to do, people to see. (Not really, I just didn't know if I could stick it out without picking him up again). He woke up for 22 minutes, then at 5:30 am to eat and he was back out until 8am. Nice. Progress.

 "Oh, you want me to do this?"

Night #3, 21 minutes. I could smell the sweet victory. Google is right! Considering we had moved beyond the vomit thing, he really could cry it out and learn to sleep! Pump the breaks. Up for 19 minutes, up for 37 minutes, pathetic whimpers for about 10 minutes.... up at 5:45 to eat. Back out. Less time, more awakenings.... not sure you could call that winning.

Night #4, 40 minutes. Nights #5 & #6 about 40 minutes. Its been a whole week and things are not changing. I felt like his sleep times got longer, maybe 3 or 4 hours rather than 90 min - 2 hours but thats with screaming breaks lasting from 20 min to over an hour. I cannot leave him screaming every night 3 or 4 times a night for up to an hour. That sucks for all of us. Last night I lasted for over an hour (his 2nd awakening) and finally at 2:47, I brought him into my bed. Of course, he never woke up again. I would beat myself up for giving in BUT seriously, I tried this for SEVEN days. SEVEN!!!  Do I need to remind you how cute his little face is? Imagine that little guy begging you to console him and give him a little snuggle. At least we tried.

CIAO, C.I.O. We're moving on to plan B, whatever that is.

"Yay for Plan B!"

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