Mama Mia

Yesterday was my first official Mother's Day. I have to admit, I think Mother's Day and Father's Day are kind of bogus... just a reason to stress out about getting a gift, finding a good card in the picked over kiosk, making a point to visit any relevant mothers/fathers in your world, or the worst thing ever... yardwork. My parents were notorious for making us do yardwork on their respective 'holidays' since we were obligated to comply to their every whim. Thank God for Benji! Now my mom can't make me do yardwork since I'm a mom too! Just kidding, we nipped that in the bud when I graduated high school. Maybe someday I'll be rich enough to hire a gardener for their mother's/father's day gift and it will all come full circle. My poor dad, who can be tough to shop for, got a 'certificate' to pick out a new grill one Father's Day and it took him years to redeem it and actually buy the grill. Happy Father's Day '96.... in 2007!

Matt worked all weekend but took the time to wake me up to say Happy Mother's Day at 6am. (Thanks Matt, I LOVE mornings).
"Happy Mother's Day to the best Mommy in the whole wide world!"
"Thank You" (trying to be perky but irked that its 6am, head covered in blankets and morning breath in full-effect)
"Don't thank me, thank my".....

I will cut the convo off there. What a lovely husband I have (and for those who were wondering, there were no additional thank-you's from me)

My first Mother's Day started Friday with a little luncheon my mom, Benji and Tenley had for me and Emily. We got beautiful necklaces with 2 interlocking circles symbolizing mommy and baby and they are as perfect as the babes. The lunch was really sweet and although I think the 'holiday' is a bit of a crock, I do think taking the time to stop and reflect on our parents is a good thing.

My connection to mother's begins with my name. I am named Katherine because of my mom's mom.

The "original" Katherine died when my mom was 10 and left quite a big hole in my mom's heart, and a number of others. Growing up, I always felt so sad for my mom and her siblings, that they lost their mom so young. My first Mother's Day has given me a whole new outlook on it. Not only can I not imagine losing my own mom,  I cannot imagine how hard things must have been for Grandma Kay as a mommy. She died of breast cancer when she was 40 years old and left behind 4 kids, ages 17, 10, 9 and 7. In 1967, I'm sure cancer treatment was painful, drawn out and downright shitty and watching your life deteriorate, knowing what you were going to leave behind, miss out on, and never get to experience... the birthdays, holidays, weddings, your own babies' babies....had to be awful.

Mother sounds so formal to me. The beautiful woman in the picture above has always been "Grandma Kay" or "Grandma Katie" but she wasn't just a Grandma that never was, she was a mommy. Now that I am a mommy, I can see myself in her shoes a little more clearly and I definitely have a new respect for the struggle she went through, not just the physical pain, but the emotional pain watching her kids and husband watch her battle cancer. I wish she could have lived to be my Grandma.

Then there is Rockstar. My mom is a "fun person" (she told me herself in the midst of an argument when I was in highschool... "people DO like to be around me you know, my friends LIKE me. I AM A FUN PERSON.") She has always been the kind of mom who can make any day seem like a special day whether its a song she sings (or makes up), a special treat, a note, or skipping instead of walking, she really does make things fun. She has a great imagination and is creative, spontaneous, and positive. These traits have been good and bad for me throughout my life, depending on my age (which determined how much I could appreciate said traits) but as everyone says it will happen, the older I get, the more I get her. Then you mix in a Banjo.

I am so lucky that she is my mom and he is even luckier that she is his Grandma. Since the day I learned I was pregnant, anyone who knows my mom has said "I bet your mom is so excited, she will be the best Grandma." "I wish I had a Grandma like Rocky." It's true. She's a great Grandma to Benji (and Tenley) but even better, she is a great example to me as to what a Mom should be. It's pretty amazing that she could be such a great mom without much of a role model herself. She only had the first 10 years of her life with her mother (although Aunt Sue definitely played a big role too!) which is a testament to what kind of mom she had, when she had one. In 10 short years, Grandma Kay was example enough to inspire my mom's motherly instincts, and better the lives of my mom's kids, and now her grandkids.

Even though at points in my life I thought my mom was annoying, or over the top, or trying too hard, maybe she was just overcompensating for the mother she never got to have. She was mothering us through a lifetime of experiences that she would have killed to have her own mother there through. I probably shouldn't have taken her for granted so many times because not everyone is lucky enough to have a mom like her, or even a mom at all.

Grandma Kay may get glorified a bit because her life was cut short. If she was here today, I'm sure there would be plenty of things she would have done that weren't perfect but since she's not here, we get to decide what she would have been. I know she would have been just like Grandma Rock is to Benji, to me. 100% in love ~ full of smiles, giggles, special songs, special treats, imagination, creativity and LOVE. Although we were all jipped out of a lifetime with her, the 10 years my mom got with her obviously were worthwhile because look at the mom and grandma Charlie, Emily, Patrick, Me, Matt, Benji, Tenley and all the future Krebs' get. What a FUN person.

When my mom became a mommy for the 2nd time, she knew my name would be Katherine after her mom. Each of her siblings have also included the name Katherine with their daughters (Sue has Kelly, Me, Renee has Molly and Jeff has Amelie) and now, Grandma Kay is a Grandma Great with a new generation of Katherine's (Kelly has Finley and Charlie/Emily has Tenley).

Although we missed out on knowing the 'original' Katherine, we are so lucky for the family she created. We have the best moms, aunts, cousins, sisters and grandmas that anyone could ask for and we are lucky to carry on her name. Katherine, although its my name, is her name and when I think of her, I think of my Mom and how grateful I am that she is mine.

Once you're a mommy, everytime you see that little face its Mother's Day. I don't need a Sunday in May to remind me, but its nice taking a timeout to think about where we came from and how grateful I am for the people that got us here.