Oh, Crap!

Man oh man, another couple weeks slipped by without posting. I think that every blogger's biggest struggle is keeping up with the blog. Maybe I should switch to quantity over quality since I end up writing novels every few weeks instead of novellas every week. I say I have nothing to write about but who am I kidding? Banjo changes every day and the shenanigans of being a single mom with 2 dogs and a baby have to provide some beef. Just yesterday I had Walter flip his kennel...in the bed of the truck...while I was driving, Gus puked on my bedroom floor at 1am and Benji peed on the leg of my pants first thing in the a.m. (yes, i continued to wear the pants for the day), and I came home to a shredded used tampon (that wasn't mine). Talk about action. Maybe I just need to quit over-thinking whether or not its content people care about and just keep documenting my life. If you think I'm boring, or have heard enough about my dogs, or think Benji rolling, or sneezing, or looking cute is dull, peace out.

So, with that, let's talk about poop. Benji still does not sleep and the last 2 nights he has spent more time grunting and pushing than sleeping itself. By 2am this morning, Benji had woken up at least 10 times. Kill. Me. Now. 7 of those 10 times were cries/screams mixed with intense grunting. Kid, listen. Don't force it. You pooped 3 hours ago, you don't need to do it again. Quit trying so hard and it will work itself out! Rice cereal is a culprit for constipation, says google, since its low in fiber. Lucky for Benji, I just started taking a fiber supplement as part of my new heart health regime so maybe some will pass onto him.

Speaking of things passing, Benji had a diaper that looked like it had been splashed through mud, after I washed it. Of the millions of loads of laundry I have done, I have never had this problem and he has had plenty of #2's. I was racking my brain as to why this one was different considering he eats the same things every day, breast milk and cereal. The only solution I had was that possibly all of the green food coloring I consumed on St. Patty's Day may have passed to him and into his skid-marked diaper. How irrational. Sometimes the conclusions I draw and the path that leads me there, even amaze me.

In other poos, I spent over an hour scooping poop in our backyard this week. We are neglectful dog owners. Our yard looks horrible with patches of supergrass (coincidentally in the highest poo saturated areas), holes where Gus is working on China, and tracks where Wally chases bunnies. My 60+ minutes of hard labor just scraped the surface. Literally. You can still feel the lumps under your feet in spots. However, the ridiculous blister on my hand mixed with the 3 bucketfuls of 100lbs of crap I hauled, were enough for me. The last time Matt scooped was sometime last fall and the last time I scooped was never, so let's just say Walt's 100 pounds of  beef and bowels had some rage on our lawn.

Mix in a fuzzy Gus. Aside from the yard being neglected, Matt's absence also means the dogs in general are a little neglected. I don't do nail clipping, I don't do eye boogers, and I don't wipe jowls.  Poor little Gus was a fuzzy mess and Wally's dew claws were starting to curl. I made a groomer appointment and finally the day came, only to have the appointment cancelled because the groomer got bit by a naughty client. Ugghh, I had to wait another week. During that lapse, I let Gus in from outside one day and noticed a dark spot on his fanny. NNNOOOOOO. It was a poo pancake. Smashed and smeared through his overgrown butt furs. The things I'm forced to handle..... snippity snip, I had to cut poop out of Gus's butt. Thank God he got shaved yesterday. Unfortunately it was a little too late for my scissors, nostrils and gag reflex. Oh, poo.

a rare sight captured by instagram

You'd think dogs this cute would sh*t rainbows and sunshine.

In other dog news, Walter had a panic attack last night due to a little rain. Do you think they make thundershirts in his size? What a wimp. Actually, maybe I should get a Thundershirt for Benji. The kid sleeps like a log as long as you are with 6 inches of him but wakes up every 45 seconds if he's alone. They say it feels like a hug and Benji is a snuggler. Is a thundershirt on a kid child abuse?

What really needs to happen is Walter needs to recognize that if he would quit being a chicken and go within a foot of the baby, he would have someone constantly touching him. Then, he wouldn't bug me, he'd get petted, and Benji would have a living, breathing subject there to make him sleep. If only Walter could comprehend (and fit in the crib).

Things haven't all been poopy lately. Benji is a chatterbox and it cracks me up. He gets especially chatty first thing in the morning and right before he goes to bed. The past 2 days he has been obsessed with saying "dadada" (I think he figured out his tongue or something) and its a little bittersweet. Um, excuse me? Where is the mamamamama. I'm the one who you see every day. BUT, poor Matt is missing out on all of the awesome things Benji does and I feel guilty that I get to love him in person while Matt has to witness the milestones via the internet. So, I'll give him the dadada's (but we all know Benji doesn't really know what he's saying yet).

Check it out.

I'm obsessed with him.

Since this blog is a little racy (poo is not table talk), I think this would be an appropriate place to insert the following video that sends a lovely message to all of the little Banjo's out there. As mentioned in a blog post months ago, we do own this book (thanks A&M) and I am just starting to appreciate the value of its message. Who doesn't appreciate narration by Samuel L. Jackson? Viewer beware, this video may (does) contain adult language.

Sweet dreams :)

Miles of Miles

I am starting to forget what I've blogged about already. I think that's a sign that I need to stay more current on my posts. Sorry audience. Time flying by is a good thing right now since it means one day closer to Matt being back. Unfortunately, it also means one day further away from having a baby baby. Benji is getting so big! Aagghh!

Look what he can do now...

Milestone! A couple of weeks ago, I went to pick Benji up from my mom's and she said "You may want to keep your eye on Benji tonight, I think he might roll soon." I could tell from her voice he had done it, she just was afraid to tell me because she thought I'd be sad I missed it. She finally admitted he rolled tummy to back once over each side. Go Benji! I got home, got the camera, put Benji in tummy time and waited. I caught roll #3 with our video camera and this is roll #4 from the ipad. He doesn't quite realize he can do it and when he finally rolls, the applause and cheers startle him, then he laughs, grabs his toes, and does this...

I can't believe how jumbo he's going to seem when his cousin gets here in ONE month!! He's pumped to have a little friend and he even gave his cousin a matching mobile (which is actually a trick because we all know how well Benji sleeps- staring at the beauty of the mobile just makes him want to be awake ALL night).

Benji hit another milestone about a week ago (that I was hoping we had missed all together).

My first golden shower (unless you count the one where an 8 yr old me was peed on by a 4 yr old patrick while we played in the rain). Until about a week ago, Benji had peed while Matt changed him (although Matt was holding his legs in the air so the pee went all over his own face) but never on me. Then, wam bam pee pee mam! Twice in 2 days he peed. The above episode happened late at night in the dark and I screamed out loud, so startled by the fountain. The other one happened as I changed him on the floor and the stream hit my pants with such precision that it looked like I was the one who had peed. Benji 2, Mom 4,615 (I've changed a lot of diapers). We also had our first blowout Sunday that caused concern for the onesie removal. We've had a little poop juice leak out here or there but this one was the kind that required some MacGyver action to get his clothes off without smearing peanut butter poo all over his back and hair. I won that battle 2 (too/two/#2... get it?). By the way, its shocking the scent emitted from adding something as bland as rice cereal to his diet can be- even his farts stink. Gross.

Next Milestone... 5 months! Not much of a milestone but someone's Granny seems to think this is a feat deserving of a cake (who am I kidding, isn't waking up each day cause for a cake?).

Poor Benji just had to look while I enjoyed the fruits of his growing labor. Sorry dude. Breast milk, organic rice cereal, amoxicillin (which made me cry), and grape flavored tylenol (which also makes me sad) are the only tastes for your buds.

This past weekend, we went to a baby shower for Emily with her side of the family. Most of her relatives don't know Matt and a bunch of them thought Benji looked like Charlie. I guess their options based on my family members they know are blue-eyed Caucasian-looking Charlie, or brown-eyed, dark-haired (artificially tanned at Emily's wedding) me. No one has said that before, but I guess its possible for my kids to resemble my siblings. We all know Benji is Matt's twin but I hope Emily and Charlie are blessed with a little me. Wouldn't she just be precious? Speaking of siblings and looking alike, Patrick's roommate commented this week that he and I look the same in the following pictures.

No one has ever told me that we look alike before either. We have recently discovered that Patrick looks just like a younger, beardless version of my dad but we've never had the sibling comparison. I guess its another milestone. 28 years later, Patrick resembles me and my baby resembles Charlie.... in the eye of the beholder.

Before I wrap this up, I think its important for everyone to see my latest etching. The images below are burned into a mirror that rests above the porcelain throne at Patrick's house. I'm sure you can imagine the feelings his 3 female roommates had upon seeing it.

I am the etch master.

Anyone want a permanent this on their window?