Arts N' Crafts

Last year for my birthday, I was pumped to get a Silhouette to aid in all of my crafting needs. The main reason I got the thing was to etch glass, which one of the Stitch N' Bitches taught me (S&B is a very exclusive club my mom belongs too...hey B's!). Up until a few weeks ago, the only thing I had done with my Silhouette was to cut out wall art for Benji's room.

I'm sure you all thought that was the handy work of me and an x-acto knife, but you're wrong. Anyway, here we are nearly a year later and I finally got around to etching.... and I'm obsessed.

Note to self, don't buy orange dish soap. How fun is that though?

This was just a test to see if you could etch colored glass (and to give me a reason to consume a bottle of wine). Yes, colored glass works.

C O E * R * votives, $1 each... personalized to look way more expensive than $6.

Drinking pints got fun (as if it wasn't fun before)! Glass #3 would have been useful in college when "chug chug" was my game of choice. If you forget the rules, see your glass.

All together now. I need more glass before I etch my windows.

This was a shower gift for a friend's "Monograms & Mimosas" bridal shower. Not quite a monogram but this 9x13 + a fun apron, oven mitt and recipes made a cute gift!

Who has things for me to etch? I decided my etching business will be called "Ketchy" (although it looks like Ketchup now that I type it out). But, get it? Katy's catchy, etchy... Ketchy! Yea. enough of that for one blog post.

Since this is an arts n' crafts inspired post~ let's bring it back to baby with some face in hole, made by the Rodfather.

You can be the judge of what's an art and what's a craft.

I'll tell you what is a craft... getting your baby to sleep through the night. I am admitting my first defeat as a parent. Benji will NOT sleep for any significant amount of time. A good night for us means I put him down about 8 or 8:30, he wakes up about every 30-40 minutes 3 or 4 times, about 10:30 or 11 he is out "for good" he wakes up around 2, 4, and then at 6:30 for good. I repeat, that is a GOOD night. I do not feed him each time he wakes up, I do not pick him up each time he wakes up... but he keeps waking up. The kid would sleep 8 hours in my arms if I'd let him but my neck can't take it (and who wants some mommy-issues 3 yr old?).

I have read ALL about different methods and tactics. Don't make eye contact, don't pick him up, pick him up until he stops crying, let him cry it out, feed him a ton before bed, make sure his daily schedule is consistent, don't worry about it until 6 months, he should sleep 12 hours by 4 months.... basically, the internet is full of at least one advocate for every theory you can think of. My theory? Every baby is different and mine prefers his mommy (can you blame him? Actually its any living, breathing human that will snuggle him but my pre-screening requirements nix quite a few out).

We've been doing the cereal thing so I know he's full at night, he breaks out of the swaddle and I tried to wrap his center, but no change, he's in sleep sacks... nothing. I think he wants to be on his tummy because he wedges up against the side of crib in an attempt to get over to his stomach but I'm not going there. Back is best, right?!? I decided to attempt the Super Nanny's version of ferberizing him last night and let me just tell you, it was awful. I have attempted to let him cry it out before and even got as far as 20 minutes but twice I could hear him gagging himself because he was so hysterical so I quit that. Last night was another attempt... at 20 weeks and 1 day.

I put him down, kissed him and left. There was a delayed reaction but he eventually started to cry.. sort of a fakey cry... testing me. 2 minutes and I went back in (instant stop to the crying), did not make eye contact, shushed him, patted his tummy, said goodnight and left. Wait for it, wait for it... boom. Cry for 5 minutes. Back in, pat the tummy, no eye contact, repeat goodnight and out. No delay. Instant scream. 10 minutes on the clock.... go. It subsided for a second around 8 min and I thought he may be spitting up then it came back with a vengeance. 10 minutes was up, and I walked into a nightmare. Vomit everywhere. This was no spit-up. It had the puke smell and I have never seen that much of anything come out of him, and he's had some serious diapers. His poor little head was sitting in a puddle, hair soaked, face soaked, arm soaked, pjs soaked,sheet and mattress pad soaked.... it was awful. He was sobbing, I started sobbing and I swooped him up and hugged him until he got it together. Puke in his hair, in his ear, in my hair, all over both of our clothes.... I repeat, it. was. awful.

I don't care what worked for your kid, this will not be how Benji learns to sleep. I had to wash the sheets, give him a bath, change both of our clothes and feel horrible that he could not comprehend my apology for doing that too him. And to top it off, he barfed up a day's worth of food so of course, he was hungry again. I'd rather put him to sleep my way and wake up every 2 hours than that puking nightmare. Maybe he's still too young, maybe eventually he'd learn but come on, in 3 timed attempts to "let him cry" he has make himself puke every time, with this being the most extreme. Forget it. I rock him until he's drowsy, put him into the crib (where he immediately wakes up), and stand there until he goes to sleep. This is what I signed up for, right?

Screaming Sleep Monster - looks sooo innocent

Matt is probably fearing the resentment with every word he reads. I don't resent him although I do think ferberizing may be a team sport. We will see how things go the next few months. I keep praying that after a month+ of the same routine, he will get tired enough to just fall into it (he doesn't really nap either) but so far, it hasn't happened. He definitely doesn't have my sleeping genes. I'm an 8 hours + kind of person. Matt is more like 5. Hmmm... mini-matt has another resemblance to dad.

The good news is, as tired as I am, I trudge into the nursery to find this...

Now that's my best arts n' craft work yet.

Get Lo

So Matt is gone (just in time for a big snow that I had to shovel because I never learned how to start the snowblower)... BOOOOO. The military is sooooo... silly. I dropped Matt off on his base at like 5:15 am and the entire "send off" scenario was nothing like I imagined. In the movies, there is always a big hurrah with families lined up along a path to the airplane, or sitting on gym bleachers waving flags while the soldiers march in pretty formations saluting the flag. Not in real life. Maybe its because this is just the Air Guard or the deployment is just 3 months but regardless, I felt more like I was at the airport in the loading zone than the send-offs on tv. There were cones set up for cars to drive through to drop off their soldiers with pretty much a "keep moving" and "no parking" vibe. Insert awkward hug with Matt holding 5 million pounds of gear, me crying off the previous day's eye makeup and cars behind us eager to pull up to the door. Welp, see ya later.

I wasn't really mad there was no big parade, I'm not much for fun at 5:15 am (just ask Matt), especially with a drive back to Omaha looming, but had I known I had 3 seconds outside of the running car to say goodbye, I may have... I don't know what I would have done. Like ripping off a band-aid, it was quick and as painless as watching your husband leave for 90 days to go to the tumultuous Middle East where he carries around a loaded M-16 (says his handouts) can be.

Here's what we think about Matt being gone.

Since my Holiday binge, since I gave birth to Banjo, since I started growing with a banjo, since our honeymoon all-inclusive gluttony, since my "get skinny for your wedding" diet ended, I have been meaning to get "back" into shape. Unfortunately, there is always the start of a new week, or a new month, or another Monday, perfect for starting a new healthy regime right around the corner. Lately, Matt's departure seemed like a good starting point to get back on track.

When Matt went to Iraq, I ran 2 miles, religiously, every single day. I got kind of skinny, imagine that! For someone whose last workout was over a year ago, pre-baby, that seemed a little lofty so I set the strenuous goal of 1 mile each day (give a sister a break, its hard being a single mom, whose baby doesn't sleep and who hates mornings).

Pinterest

Whatever, Pinterest. Hey, 1 mile is 1 more than I was running. I'm not running marathons or body building over here (and Matt's insane to even utter the words 'Tough Mudder' to me), I'd just like a cookie now and again without a massive muffin top. Even better, I'd like more than 3 pairs of my jeans to fit again (chalk that up to baby... it obviously has nothing to do with my love of all things edible).

I am currently 10 for 10 on days and miles in Matt's absence. Go me! I have gone back and forth in my head about whether or not I should share the following information but hey, you've seen me in labor, know way to much about my baby parts, and maybe this will be motivation to get my sh** together (and attempt to save some face). Here it is... I have shaved 10 minutes off my mile. To you amateurs, that sounds great! To anyone remotely active, this is so shameful. I had 10 minutes to be shaved from a mile. TEN MINUTES from ONE MEASLY MILE. Ten minutes are GONE and I still have enough minutes left to RUN A MILE. Pathetic, shameful, disgraceful.... I know. You can just imagine what the initial run looked like. In my defense, it was literally, the first workout in over a year and this body did not stretch or warm-up (as if that would have helped). AND, I am not a runner in the first place. My best mile time ever in my life was probably in the mid-sevens. I was probably 10. But, day after day I keep trudging to the basement to run my stupid mile. Not only is it helping me (I hope), its also helping Benji learn to "self-soothe" (remember when I mentioned that he doesn't sleep? he conveniently likes to wake up on mile 0.2 which means my heart breaks a little bit each second it takes to get to my mile. If he's crying, he's breathing, right?).

Pinterest

So there!

Once its warm, I bet it takes about 1 mile to run to the brand-new Donut Professor (which is next door to Eileen's Cookies) and home. Haha! My 10 for 10 is improving though, slowly but surely. I got on the scale the other day and it said "lo". Unfortunately, I think it was referring to batteries, not my weight but hey, what you don't know can't hurt you (like the actual number) right?

Matt's 'getting healthy' involves me shipping $200 worth of protein to him... apparently the 'mess hall' and their sodium-packed fake meats aren't enough for him. PLUS, since he works the night shift, he thinks chicken fingers (which are the healthiest meat offered) for breakfast are weird. PLUS, his first day, the 12-hour shift turned into a 19 hour shift with no food breaks. Ridiulous (see Benji's message above). Tuna, 6 bajillion protein bars, protein shots, protein-infused crystal light thingys, and a few other treats are en route to the Middle East.

Benji says hi.

He has also taken on a new work-out regime in Daddy's absense. Aside from our "necksercises" which I have named some tummy-time, head-holding activities, Benji hit the work-out jackpot yesterday with some new equipment.

He LOVES bouncing (aside from his affinity to bright lights - disregard the slight distraction mid-bounce). His right leg is going to be jacked because he prefers a lopsided bounce but no matter how he makes it go, the point is, he's bouncin'!  (mute these to spare yourself my ridiculous commentary)

This kid is digging the jump-a-roo. Now if only he'd roll...

'Well wouldja look at that,' a family of skinnies! Stop laughing, at least one of us has socially acceptable chub.

I'll leave you with some sweet dreams of Kandahar, as highlighted in Matt's info packet that he tossed to me on his way out.

"We are in a year round malaria risk-zone" sounds inviting
"In order to prevent malaria, sleeves will be rolled down at all times" fashionable
"Bored in Kandahar? So is everyone else" I know, make them work 19 hours straight!
"No members of the opposite sex are allowed in your room" Thanks Uncle Sam
"Due to lack of sleep, constant contact with people and not eating right, many people develop cold or flu symptoms soon after arriving. To avoid the "Kandahar Crud" make sure you're physically fit before you travel and wash your hands often." Keep the crud in Kandahar
"Do not attempt to catch, kill or harass spiders, snakes, scorpions, cats, dogs or any other animals on base." Here kitty, kitty.
"Consider all bugs and snakes to be venomous. Shake out your boots. Keep your fingers in sight. Do not feed any rodents or stray animals. Take your malaria pills. Food scraps attract rodents and rodents attract snakes." See previous blog post 
Benji's thoughts....

 
*Look who figured out a)how to use her ipad for videos b)how to put videos on her blog c)how annoying her voice sounds (sorry Matt~ and youtube)

Things are Getting Hairy...

One year ago today was the big day.... the positive pregnancy test. What a difference a year makes... from this

 to this...

I wish you could grow babies in less time than that, a year is a long time! SOOOO well worth it though! My 28th Birthday was yesterday and Matt foofed my present beautifully (I should have taken a picture). The gift was a purse but the wrapping was tied with a blue zip tie and a pink zip tie. Blog audience as my witnesses, Matt said that represented my real gift. He claimed they represented a baby but I'm going literal on this one and saying I get a boy AND a girl... and how ever many else it takes to get 1 of each! I'm going to go ahead and ignore the fact that he used zip ties instead of pretty bows. Was it some subtle message about being bound? Restricted? Tied down? Disregard. Don't get too antsy though, that gift will be redeemed at a later time.... Matt is leaving for 3 months, remember?

Since I don't have weekly baby growth updates anymore, my own observations are going to have to be vivid and entertaining enough for blog content. My most recent observation/annoyance has to do with HAIR. "Oh look at me, I'm pregnant and my hair is so thick and wonderful." Pregnant people do not grow thicker hair, their jacked up hormones just keep their hair from falling out so much. Fine, I admit, it was nice to not shed for a few months but let me tell you, that benefit of pregnancy is short-lived. My hair is back to falling out with a vengeance. I read somewhere that for the normal person's 100 strands/day, new baby momma's shed 500. I'm pretty sure 5,000 is the more accurate figure on my head. Ask Matt.

Matt asking google (daddy daycare at its finest)

I pull it out by the fist-full in the shower. It's disgusting. It's my own hair and even I am repulsed. Matt has had to snake the drain before in our old house thanks to my mop (although if HE had fixed the broken drain cover, some of that hair may have been prevented from going down). I didn't have to see the hairball that caused the clog but the thought of it makes me puke in my mouth. Hair balls = vom.com. My issue in the shower is that its the easiest place to pull out the clumps (that will otherwise fall out all over my universe) BUT then what do you do with it? I like to let the water take it but Matt and our plumbing disagree. The worst is pulling out the clump from the hair catcher (aka drain cover) after the shower is over. Whats worse than a hair ball? A cold wet hairball! Again, vom.com. I know its not fair; my hair, my problem but it really is the worst... especially the clump that always seems to rinse down the back and stick onto the back of the thigh, waiting to get caught in the razor (on the rare occasion I decide to shave).

Speaking of shaving, that's another hair issue. I had the privilege of not shaving my legs except for weekends and special occasions in high school. Yea yea, every Marian girl says it, "it's so great, we never shaved our legs and everything was rainbows and sunshine!" I lived that dream. Seriously, shaving is a pain and I avoided doing it. I'm a big fan of the 'shave the visible parts' school of thought (I do keep current on the pits though). Thank God mini-skirts are unacceptable for mid to late twenty-somethings. Anyway, years went by, I met Matt, tried to woo Matt, and shaved regularly. I locked him down, let my hair go and lucky me got preggo which bought me some solid months of not shaving (hey, in my defense it was physically impossible in places). Matt does not like this fact but he fails to fix the issue that has bought me even more no-shave excuses. Hot water. Our flipping water heater will not let my shower exceed 15 minutes (and that's only if I'm not doing laundry or running the dishwasher). Lame. For an all-over smooth shave, I need a solid 25 or so. Get on that Matt. Oh wait, Afghanistan? Look who just score 3 more months. This guy! The only reasons to shave now will be when my sweats get itchy or we thaw out for spring and I want to wear a dress. I have to embrace the positives in Matt's absence, no matter how ridiculous.

If I had a penny for every hair I shed, I would be rich. Maybe I could use my $$ for this. (Watch this video... and tune into Oddities). Gag me. Matt could weave a flipping living room set as a tribute to me with the amount I'm giving out. Haha, as my hair tribute to him, I made a heart on the shower wall out of my hair (remember, I avoid the cold, post-shower drain clump at all costs) which did not go over well. White shower tiles + large black hairy heart? Who wouldn't love that hello from their loving wife?

I just puked in my mouth again remembering another hairy tale. Read This (or at least scroll down and look at the pictures). Word to the wise, change your earrings regularly. What a sicko. Omg, I just gagged looking at those pictures again.

There is such thing as pretty hair. I wish I had it. I'm growing mine out in an attempt to look like the Pinterest people (braids are BLOWING UP my feed) but somehow, my attempts to be stylish don't come out quite right. The sock roll trick did not make beautiful waves and neither did the stretchy headband. I have learned some fancy braids but the girth of my braids is always off. Coming from a girl with thick hair (even with the shedding issues), I think those braids are a)extensions b)hair pieces or c)wondrous.

pinterest

Let's bring this post full circle and get back to Banjo (which is seriously how I got thinking about hair in the first place). I took him to the doctor last week because I suspected he had an ear infection and while examining Benji, the doc told his med student that in males that age, you have to check for a hair tourniquet which is often the culprit for fussy babes. What? Oh yes, a hair wrapped around baby's pee-pee causing pain and anguish. Thankfully Benji was cleared but his fleece-lined cloth diapers are magnets for my loose hairs. I will definitely be paying attention to that in the future. Yikes.

*Side note -  the ear infection I mentioned resulted in an anti-biotic... Banjo's first consumable besides the boob. I almost cried thinking about his 'pure' insides being forever altered. #smotheringmomproblems

I'm hoping this ridiculous shedding thing is just about over. Hopefully this post didn't make you puke, and instead, educated any pregnant readers about what they're in for. Had I not been warned, I would be sure I was on a one-way path to a hairline similar to Matt and Benji. Now that's way scarier than grizzly legs or a little heart on the shower wall.